Month: November 2019

Why Is My Phone So Boring?

~ Kelly Wolf ~ 3 Comments

Everywhere I go, people are gazing fixedly at their phones. It doesn’t matter if they’re out to eat with loved ones or at a summit facing the most beautiful view in the universe or touring an exhibit of priceless, never-before-seen artifacts – phones remain the focus of their attention.

Given most people’s level of interest, I must admit I’m disappointed in my phone. Once in a while I pick it up and command, “Distract me!” but it just sits there, inert. I log onto social media and declare, “Entertain me!” but my interest soon wanes. I consider clicking on news sites, but then I come to my senses. In the end, my phone and I simply stare at one another, both seeming to wonder what all the fuss is about.

Perhaps my phone is mad at me because it knows I’ve never liked phones. Many years ago, in a choking fog of resentment, I finally got my first cell phone, and I would turn it on only to make calls and turn it off as soon as they ended. My voicemail greeting was: “This is my cell phone, and it’s usually off, so please don’t leave a message. If you need to reach me, call my land line at…” But people don’t listen, so I still received voicemails, usually retrieved several days after they were left. The best ones came from my friend Carolina, who said I used my cell phone the same way her octogenarian grandfather used his. All of her voicemails started with: “Hola, Grandpa!”

So maybe that’s the answer: my phone doesn’t like me because I don’t like phones, and therefore it insists on being boring. Or maybe it’s heard me describe it as a not-so-smart phone, and that hurt its phoney little feelings. Whatever the reason, it seems phone fascination is not for me. But that’s okay. Everyone’s different. I don’t understand most people’s attachment to their phones, and most people don’t understand my obsession with mushroom photo shoots.

🍄 ❤️

A Psychic Return

~ Kelly Wolf ~ 3 Comments

While Big Brother needn’t try too hard these days, having outsourced his position to a publicly oversharing citizenry, I’m still pretty confident my handy tech gadgets are spying on me. This past week, though, I had an experience that made me wonder if cyber surveillance has upped its game, moving beyond the old school techniques of watching and listening and into a far more invasive realm.

I do a lot of walking – 3 to 4 miles on an average day and closer to 10 if I plan an epic adventure or happen to get lost. Because I walk so much, good shoes are imperative, and my current pair is problematic, with too-wide treads that trap rocks and other bits of detritus. Several weeks back, after endless scrolling through online shoe sites, I thought I’d found the perfect replacement pair – similar to the current ones, but with narrower treads. I made the purchase and received notice they’d arrive in 3-5 days.

They didn’t. About a week later, I got an email saying the order was delayed. The message featured a picture of the shoes, and when I looked at it closely, I realized IT WAS THE EXACT SAME PAIR I ALREADY HAVE. Apparently I’d scrolled through so many photos during the online hunt that my power of observation went kaplooie. Bummed, I realized that when the shoes finally did arrive, I’d have to send them right back.

Weeks passed. I received another email saying there was still a delay but the shoes were totally going to arrive at some point in my life. Again, I grumbled at the screen and thought, Whoop-dee-doo, then I can return them. I didn’t hear anything else from the company until a few days ago when an email arrived stating that my return had been received and my refund processed. Baffled, I checked my bank account to find that yes, indeed, I’d gotten my money back for the shoes that never arrived.

As I’ve already said, I realize technology is observing us 24/7. But monitoring my thoughts?! Come on, now. Even in our current, weird-beyond-belief world, that seems like a bit of an overstep.