trees

Balancing Act

~ Kelly Wolf ~ 8 Comments

I haven’t written in a long time. For me, the last several months have been defined by a general numbness, as my system tries, with little success, to process gargantuan levels of rage, disappointment, and despair. While emotional and mental chaos open some people’s creative doors, that’s not the case for me. My imagination has been pushed aside. I don’t even want to work on editing, worried I’ll make my stories worse instead of better.

Still, on the eternal quest to hold grief in one hand and gratitude in the other, I continue to take pictures. They serve as ever-present reminders that there is beauty in this world.

I’ve photographed trees and forests:

Various forms of water:

Dragons:

Flowers:

And other fun things, like winter-wrapped Tiny Titus:

A rollerskating banana:

Deer dozing in a cemetery:

And a silly reflection in a teapot:

Until the numbness fades and my full-scale existence comes back online, I guess I’ll use this space for photos. And in the day to day, I’ll do my best to keep breathing, drink plenty of water, and, as much as possible, stay in the light.

The Winter Doom Reframe

~ Kelly Wolf ~ 3 Comments

This year, I’m bound and determined to appreciate winter, as I’ve made a commitment not to dread or fear anything over which I have no control (a mandate I need to repeat to myself about a thousand times a day), and impending winter falls squarely into that category.

I shared my new intention with one of the leaders of a retreat I attended last weekend, and he told me the following story:

“The other day, I was directed to commune with a tree. In our conversation, the tree told me that it’s thankful to shed its leaves each year. It feels so much lighter and freer without them.”

This was a helpful reframe, since the sight of skeletal, leafless trees usually makes me sad. Now, when I look up at a sea of bare branches, I’ll think, Well, don’t you look joyfully unburdened?

Another leader at the retreat took us on a walk through the woods and brought our attention to the fallen leaves. She mentioned that people usually think of the brown, brittle leaves as ugly, but in fact, they’re a shade people try to replicate in their dyes and clothing because it’s so beautiful. In addition, they play a critical role in the forest’s life cycle, breaking down to nourish the soil.

Again, this shift in thinking was a welcome one. Normally, when I see autumn leaves, I think, They’re pretty, but they’re a harbinger of evil winter. Now, when I see the leaves in their final stage, I’ll think, They’re pretty, and they’re going to feed the forest.

I recognize that a lot of our personal happiness depends on positive reframes, so I’m excited to incorporate these gems of wisdom into my emotional lexicon as winter approaches. Over the next couple of weeks, when I pass this part of my walking route:

…I won’t think, OH NO, THE COLORS ARE ALMOST GONE! WE’RE DOOMED!!

Instead, I’ll remind myself that when those final strips of red and yellow have faded at last, the trees can heave a sigh of relief. Free from the weight they’ve carried, they can shift energy to their roots, then hunker down for a long-awaited, well-deserved rest.